Bro Rad Tatz....

Dear Hailie,
Thank you for being an awesome human being. Thank you for being the person that I can say anything to without judgment... or with so much judgment, it's laughable. Thank you for trusting me enough to let go of things. Thanks for keeping me warm with wine and talks and slumber parties. Thanks for kicking me in the face with those long ass legs. Thank you for being the stoic body on which some of my favorite beginner tattoos exist. Thanks for nailing me really hard in the side of my hand. It didn't hurt a bit. When people ask, "is that a tattoo?" ...I reach inside and smile, thinking bout the look on your face when you picked up the machine and say, "Yes, it's a bro tat."
I hope we are holding on when one or the other or both finds a light at the end of our fuckin' black ass tunnels. I can't imagine my life in the light without you.
Maybe, if you're as internet stalker as you say you are then you will find this and laugh.
Maybe, I will just show it to you.
xoxox
Your friend,
j-

for the first time in years...

It's amazing to feel void of any love for any one person....a sort of tingling feeling when that light bulb goes off.
I went the other day to get the outline of my overdue "Mom" tattoo. It's the most beautiful ENTIRE THIGH tattoo, ever. I am glad to know Craig Brown. I was glad to sit in the studio where he worked and glad to banter with him about the industry. (what little he cared due to having a new-born in the house) He was eager to show me all the art projects he was working on. Amazing. It's like a warm tattoo blanket being wrapped around me. It is worth every penny spent on covering the thunder that is my thigh.
I am the one who has to bend to the fact that not everyone will accept that free is not always in my best interest. I am always the one who bends. I can see the break starting in my heart... awww somebody get me a violin!
P.s. tonight a message was left on my voice-mail about Alan Helmke (my father) from Daniel at "crime source" about a litigation he (my father) is involved in. They have reason to believe that I am a relative and it's very important that Alan gets in contact with them. Could I pass on that information. Name and Number yada yada.
14 years since I have seen that man longer than minutes and this is how I hear his name for the first time in years.
Get out the violin..... There is no one to call and say, "hey guess what crazy thing happened tonight?" honestly, I am void of even caring.
I have to concentrate on being better than you...