30 days

No drinking for 30 days.... can we do it? Save a few brain cells and a few dollars. Hopefully find a bit of clarity and direction. One day at a time.... right?

from the ground up...

The dream last night: Perfectly warm, warm enough to find a river. My father was there. We left our stuff on the side of the bank and waded in waste deep. It was equal in perfect warmth. The sun on my skin felt good. I watched my father go under and do a back flip where the water had pooled up. I smiled and looked down river. The current of the river was just enough... so I decided to sink down and let it take me a little way. But the current became swift and I could no longer control where I would land. I felt a panic come over me and begged for any kind of branch that I could grab onto. All my things left on the side of the bank... I needed them. My father, will he come after me? The trees had grown dense and closed out the sky. The river grew cold. In one of the rivers bends I turned and saw my father along for "the ride". He smiled. His lips never moved but thoughts overwhelmed me: let go, relax cause we never know where the river is going no matter how dark the way, the things left behind are not important, just make the decision to relinquish control of (or my lack of) the situation and I would land at some point, I wasn't alone. And just as I was about to relax and let the river take me to whatever fate lay before me... I was awakened by concerned love. Apparently, I was being somewhat vocal about my stress in the river.
Waking when I did... left me stressed and not relaxed. This last month has left me outside of myself.... and completely unsure about where I am going. I feel like I am building everything from the ground up. My passion is lack luster and failing me. But everyday spent being stressed and worrying, is another day gone... and nothing to show for it.