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are this.
For the first time in my life I have lost a someone whose soul is connected to mine... and when I looked up at the sky tonight, he was there. As hippy as it sounds his energy existed and then I realized that all of those we have lost have become an energy that make up what we are looking at on any given day at any given time. I find comfort in that. He was not my mother, my sibling or my great friend... but he was a building block in my life. He was not a great tragedy and yes, he was old and that makes it ok because we all die. He will still be missed. And he will still be someone my grandmother, mother, aunts and uncles miss on a daily basis. He was a man of little action until action needed to be in place and then he was an unmovable wall, full of pride and opinionated as hell. He was married to the best woman ever, my grandmother, and I think for her alone, he held on to the very end. I believe she needed him as much as he needed her. She is just as stubborn as he was and they were amazingly stubborn together, one of my favorite things about them... They earned every minute and had every right. They loved me unconditionally, that was comforting.
Last I saw him, he was 80lbs and I almost had to leave the room because seeing him so meek was heartbreaking. I think he felt the same way... not wanting anyone to see him in such a vulnerable state. But, I am glad that I was able to take him outside for a cigarette and this is one of the last things he said to me,
Grandpa: I need a lighter
Me: It's pretty windy out here I don't know if you'll get your cigarette lit.
He got his cigarette lit and then leaned into me with his weak but recognizable voice...
Grandpa: If you would stop flappin your lips it wouldn't be so windy out here.
The last thing he said to me: "be good"
I will Harris,
Love you
Love,
your granddaughter.
