nature's circumstance

It's nice to feel the cool breeze on a hot day. It's also nice to know that no one blew away in the storm back home. 91mph winds tearing through Indiana lifting 100 year old trees from their earth and dropping them across the life lines of electricity not due back on til Wed. I had always looked at the tree in the backyard and wondered what storm would take it down. It is the oldest, largest and tallest one on the block. It leaned ever so slightly towards the neighbors house. I thought maybe our house would be safe...but alas, it was not. It seems befitting that in the summer my mom decides to sell my childhood home, a tree that harbors just as many memories as the house is taken out by the storm. In the mean time my mother is dealing with her scared mother in the beginning throws of dementia and her father, who is hanging on by a thread... I think only because my granny keeps yelling at him to get better. He can't get better but he can hang on just one more second, minute, hour, day. So with no power and ailing parents my mother does not have the capacity to worry about the tree laid down on the back of the house, limbs out stretched, silently saying... "If you are going, I am going with you"  

grey day...

It's raining in the Northwest today...fancy that. I like to sink into a nice cup of coffee and enjoy doing a lot of nothing on days like these. The sunshine for what little we see of it makes you always feel like you should always be doing "something", enjoying yourself in one way or another. A ray of light will bolt out of the sun and pierce your lazy heart with guilt if you are not moving. So yes, on days like today, I like to take it easy, read a bit, look at art on the computer and on Instagram. I have only recently joined the world of Instagram and it has blown my mind a little bit. I am usually the first to hate technology and scold people for sitting around a table on their fucking iphones... now, regretfully?, I am one of them.
I have a love/hate relationship with it all... But the access to an infinite amount of amazing tattoos and tattooers has fallen on the love side of the fence. People that I admire that update in no other place but instagram are now conveniently accessible at the very tap of a pointer finger. This is good news and requires a lot less internet searching. It's like an addictive never ending eye candy... and this lands on the hate part of the fence. I have things I could be doing...
Shit, the sun is coming out. I should probably, at the very least, walk the dog.
j-

maintain status quo with moring coffe

Morning,
I swear to write more, the same way everyone swears to write more. Seems to be a lot going on and not enough at times. I make the best excuses, like anyone can, as to why I can't get the fuck out of bed in the morning, walk my dog, and write about things.
So here I am, trying to change things maybe in baby steps but long story short.... or possibly longer than it should be.
Realized life situations:
I want to be in like Michael, hanging from a train bridge with no way up and no way out but dropping, free fall into an unknown fog. This is not to say I want to be a vampire but as it is, I sit at the side of the bridge looking at it thinking, "Shit, a train could come at any moment or there could be vampires down there and that wouldn't be good." Well, there probably are vampires down there or in actuality and minus the Hollywood magic it's only a 20ft drop and I land on my feet.  So much less dramatic and risky than I make everything out to be.
Hailie said to me "You can't fail or fall too hard. You have too many good people around you to let that happen" She is right, so what 's my excuse? Why can't I put one foot in front of the other and do what I really want to do, what I know I am good at doing. Why do I consistently word vomit excuses that pile up until I can't see my way? My only "excuse", I have always been this way. Life coach? Therapy? I don't fuckin' know. It all feels like standing in the super market with too many choices and it feels like a blessing and such a waste in the same breath.

Things happening:
I got a dog... good dog.
I got a truck... old truck.
Stella got married... new beginnings, emotional, beautiful, bonding.
Too many good people have died... hard to digest some days.
I don't want to tattoo... did I just say that out loud? going with my gut feeling.
I adore the tattoo world... some of the most amazing people I know.
I want to open my own small business... jump bitch!
I want to write less about my inability to make a decision... be more creative and imaginative.

I got this,
j-