intimidating....

i am my biggest enemy.... i am the wall in my way.
like giants... they were. on some days i think i am too nice for the hard shell male ego based world of tattooing. on other days being nice is my non-obtrusive foot in the door. my feeling of awkward could only come from the shifting of faces from shop to shop and the shifting of lies from lips to lips. the cries of tattoo drama can be heard from end of the city to the other right now.
this unassuming shop was incredible and impeccable and full of talent. my cost of paying for something i can get free at anytime is worth the knowledge gained and the potential friendship in the business. i have no intentions of burning any bridges i have successfully built thus far... and will continue to build. i enjoy the massive cesspool of talent from which i can pluck and hang on my wall or steal for furthering and building my own technique. i have days full of self pity and sadness for a life lost. i was a somebody with 10 years into a real talent. i was good and had something that others wanted to barter with.
i have returned to the bottom of a life. naive can't even begin to explain how i feel. my desire is to learn fast and earn respect. crawl my way up to some some sort of ground again.
i am inspired... not nearly enough some days but inspired enough to know that this is where i want to be and these are the people i want to be with.
like giants they were....beautiful, intimidating, inspiring giants.
j-