maintain status quo with moring coffe

Morning,
I swear to write more, the same way everyone swears to write more. Seems to be a lot going on and not enough at times. I make the best excuses, like anyone can, as to why I can't get the fuck out of bed in the morning, walk my dog, and write about things.
So here I am, trying to change things maybe in baby steps but long story short.... or possibly longer than it should be.
Realized life situations:
I want to be in like Michael, hanging from a train bridge with no way up and no way out but dropping, free fall into an unknown fog. This is not to say I want to be a vampire but as it is, I sit at the side of the bridge looking at it thinking, "Shit, a train could come at any moment or there could be vampires down there and that wouldn't be good." Well, there probably are vampires down there or in actuality and minus the Hollywood magic it's only a 20ft drop and I land on my feet.  So much less dramatic and risky than I make everything out to be.
Hailie said to me "You can't fail or fall too hard. You have too many good people around you to let that happen" She is right, so what 's my excuse? Why can't I put one foot in front of the other and do what I really want to do, what I know I am good at doing. Why do I consistently word vomit excuses that pile up until I can't see my way? My only "excuse", I have always been this way. Life coach? Therapy? I don't fuckin' know. It all feels like standing in the super market with too many choices and it feels like a blessing and such a waste in the same breath.

Things happening:
I got a dog... good dog.
I got a truck... old truck.
Stella got married... new beginnings, emotional, beautiful, bonding.
Too many good people have died... hard to digest some days.
I don't want to tattoo... did I just say that out loud? going with my gut feeling.
I adore the tattoo world... some of the most amazing people I know.
I want to open my own small business... jump bitch!
I want to write less about my inability to make a decision... be more creative and imaginative.

I got this,
j-